Parrot
This nice old Jewish lady went decided to buy a parrot so she
went to the store and bought one. The parrot seemed fine and
when Friday night came, she dressed the parrot up and went to
the temple.
The parrot seemed fine but when the rabbi went to bless the
congregation, the parrot screamed out, "It's fuckin' cold in
here!"
The woman, completely appalled, grabbed the parrot and ran out.
Well, the parrot seemed fine for the next week so once again, on
Friday she and the parrot got dressed up and went to the temple.
Like the previous week, the parrot was fine until the rabbi went
to bless the congregation at which the parrot, once again,
screamed out "It's fuckin' cold in here!"
Once again, the lady was appalled, grabbed the parrot and ran
out of temple. She decided to confront the man at the pet store
to see what was going on. The clerk at the pet store said, "You
gotta show the parrot who's boss so next time he does this, grab
him by his legs and swing him around your head a few times. That
should teach him a lesson."
That Friday night they once again got dressed up and went to the
temple. Like the previous two weeks, when the rabbi went to
bless the congregation, the parrot screamed out, "It's fuckin'
cold in here!"
The lady, remembering what the clerk said, grabbed the parrot by
its legs and swung it around her head a few times. When she was
done, the parrot looked at her and screamed out, "And fuckin'
windy, too."
Christian Puppies
A Baptist couple decide that they want to get a dog. As they are
walking down the street in town, they notice that a sign in the
pet shop is advertising "Christian Puppies." Their interest
piqued, they go inside.
"How do you know they're Christian puppies?"
"Watch," says the owner, as he takes one of the dogs and says,
"Fetch the Bible." The dog runs over to the desk, and grabs the
Bible in its mouth and returns. Putting the Bible on the floor,
the owner says, "Find Psalm 23." The dog flips pages with its
paw until he reaches the right page, and then stops. Amazed and
delighted, the couple purchase the dog and head home.
That evening, they invite some friends over and show them the
dog, having him run through his Psalm 23 routine. Impressed,
one of the visitors asks "Does he also know 'regular' commands?"
"Gee, we don't know. We didn't ask," replies the husband.
Turning to the dog, he says, "Sit." The dog sits. He says,
"Lie down." The dog lies down. He says "Roll over." The dog
rolls over.
He says "Heel." The dog runs over to him, jumps up on the sofa,
puts both paws on the owner's forehead and bows his head.
"Oh look!" the wife exclaims. "He's Pentecostal!"
Port or Sherry
A well-to-do young man met a beautiful young woman at an
exclusive party and was immediately smitten with her. He
took her on the town and eventually to his apartment where
he discovered she was not only a beautiful woman, but
also well-groomed, cultured and very intelligent. Hoping
to impress her, he offered her a glass of wine and asked
whether she preferred Port or Sherry.
"Oh, Sherry," she said, "by all means. To me, it's the
nectar of the Gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear
decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation.
When that gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale
the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy.
It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion...
"On the other hand, Port makes me fart."
