Piss
A young couple, Billy Bob and Ellie Sue, are out for a romantic
walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they
stroll, Billy Bob's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when Ellie Sue says, "I hope you
don't mind but I really do need to piss."
Slightly taken back by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't
you go behind this hedge."
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As Billy Bob
waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her
voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to
contain his animalistic thoughts a moment longer, Billy Bob
reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly
brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with
great astonishment, finds himself gripping a long, thick
appendage hanging between her legs.
Billy Bob shouts in horror, "Oh no, Ellie Sue, have you changed
your sex?"
"No," she replies. "but I changed my mind, I'm taking a shit
instead."
Bizarre Acts of Stupidity
In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the
world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he
came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his
sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his
phone and electricity had been cut off.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty
of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken
fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to
death.
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shak-
ing frantically with what looked like a wire running from
his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him
away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy
plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two
places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his
Walkman.
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special cere-
mony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from
onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer
whale.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years
on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-
page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to
50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused
the copier with the shredder.
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on
a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped
on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was
blown to bits.
Wilbur Wright
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing
day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named
Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at
midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the
governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door his wife started on
about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have
you been?" and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual,
he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed
off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by her
predictable, sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife
answered and was told that her husband's client had
been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing
what a day he must have had, she relented a little and
went upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by
the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent over
naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
The attorney whirled around and screamed hysterically,
"For crying out loud, Woman! Don't you ever stop?"
